Tag: teacher joseph

For study until 15th of September 2024

Subject: Doors Open Day

Audio: On usual social media platforms.

When I am out and about one of my little joys is discovering new buildings, architecture and exploring different places. I really love taking pictures of every nook and cranny that I can possibly access.  With that in mind you can imagine then that I really look forward to Doors Open Day, that weekend of the year when my town suddenly loosens its chains and I can access anywhere. Such as local Courthouses or underground tunnels beneath one of the main streets. Even local businesses jump on the bandwagon and are keen to show  their wares.

Across the country around September time, the doors of old buildings are flung open  for around two days and members of the public can go and explore them. The great thing is that every area has their own weekend so for the whole month, you can visit old buildings in   surrounding areas and see inside some of these amazing structures.

Of course some of these places offer us great examples of Victorian kitsch. Famous and popular in their day but now presenting us with laughter, head scratching and incredulity.  For example, there are  a number of Victorian swimming pools, grand in their appearance with colourful marble and with roman pillars at the entrance. There are others which offer us a glimpse of history, into a time long forgotten, reminding us how we used to live. Forgotten metro stations, underground streets for example.

As always on Doors Open weekend, I scour the Internet searching for the places I want to visit. It feels a bit like that euphoria you get when you buy a lottery ticket. “This time you are going to win for sure” you tell yourself, but yet somewhere inside you know that your expectations aren’t going to be met.

 The list of places for Doors Open Day looked something like this:

The Old Church – Hmm – I did that last year

The Abbey – Eh, no, I got married there, that was enough

The Courthouse – Exciting last year but not this year

The Cemetery – Seriously? No. Besides, I was there last week

The Observatory – yeah, yeah, a possibility

The Library – really, there’s no way. I was there for its opening

The University – there’s no way

The old Prison – Um… why does that sound exciting to me?

So finally I decided upon another local Church that no one ever goes to. In fact attendance is so low that it will be closing its doors permanently in the near future. It was only a short walking distance away.

 As I approached the main door, a woman stepped forward wearing a  navy coloured business suit and pearls:

“Feel free to walk around” she said in a way that sounded almost menacing… “don’t forget to check out our refurbished Victorian toilet suite” she beamed.

I had completely forgotten, British people are immensely proud of toilets, toilet humour and things associated with the body.

“Um… thanks ok” I responded, trying not to show how bizarre the whole thing sounded….

“Would you like a…(pause, stare) magazine?” she continued.

“Eh yes…. (pause, stare) I’ll take one”  I smiled and walked a few steps away. I never understood why Churches always seem to be full of people with fake upper class English accents. Our class system died years ago, yet there are many people here who would love to keep that going. I put my best Received Pronunciation  on rerun – just to make her feel comfortable. She’d certainly met her match, if she was trying to play a game of accents with me.

“How lovely” I responded.

Attending Church in the UK can be a little bit creepy and she reminded me of all the reasons why I like spending Sunday mornings at home cooking or talking to people on Skype.  Her attempt at smiling seemed terribly out of date with red lipstick stuck to the front of her teeth – clearly this Church wasn’t  accustomed to visitors.

By the time she had another victim, the woman who walked in after me, I had moved on:

“I love your bracelet” I heard from a distance.

“Oh this little trinket…?” she commented as she revealed a chunk of gold twisted around her wrist.

I was half expecting two security guards, employed solely to guard the bracelet to emerge from the darkened corners because that chunk of gold looked expensive. This Guide clearly didn’t come from my side of town.

I toured the Church – it was nice and had all the charm of a prison, it even had bars on the windows.  Then of course I followed the signs to their top attraction – the Victorian toilet which had its own security guard, to remind us that it’s “for display only” (in other words don’t try to use it). I didn’t quite know what to say about it. I mean it really was a toilet made of marble.

“It was put in, in 1897” she murmured…

“Great, yes…” I replied, slotting into politeness and small talk mode.

She must have been at least age 70 with a hair style which I hadn’t see since Prince Andrew’s marriage to Sarah Ferguson in the 1980s. Hence the term “Fergie Bow” – a type of hairstyle tied back  in a piece of linen cloth. Just as Princess Catherine is called “Kate”, Diana was called “Di”.  Sarah is “Fergie”.

“Oh well, I have to dash…..” – “it’s been lovely”  I chirped… backing away towards the door.

I was grateful for the experience but the British eccentricity was overpowering and so was the general discomfort of mixing with others. It was greatly reassuring to sense they felt the same way.

As these old buildings find other uses and are converted into gyms, bars, nightclubs and even Ikea shops. I wonder how much longer the sense of the sacred will be preserved and whether these Doors Open Days will be a thing of the past.  Until then they remain stark reminders, of the British Empire, complete with war memorials, roll books, gold and silver. Keeping alive the very thing the rest of us are trying to forget.  Yet very soon Religion here will be a thing of the past.

Our state sponsored Christian Churches like the Church of England along with the Military and Parliament represent something eccentrically and uniquely  British. Three sides of the same triangle.  It’s hard to imagine a trinity with one part missing. A country with only Military and Parliament sounds more like some kind of South American Dictatorship.  Change is coming but what that looks like, nobody knows.  

What’s coming next? That’s the key question.