Weekly Lesson Audio: The Charity Givers
Weekly Lesson Audio: The Charity Givers. Weekly Lessons: Previous weekly lesson | Weekly Lessons archive | Next weekly lesson
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Weekly Lesson Audio: The Charity Givers. Weekly Lessons: Previous weekly lesson | Weekly Lessons archive | Next weekly lesson
Weekly Lesson: The Charity Givers. For study until 13th of October 2024 Subject : The Charity Givers Audio : On usual social media platforms.
For study until 13th of October 2024
Subject: The Charity Givers
Audio: On usual social media platforms.
The Charity Givers
Last week, I was sitting at home watching my favourite TV show when someone rang my doorbell. I opened the door to find a woman dressed in black wearing a hat standing there with two henchmen standing behind her. The picture looked like some kind of 1980s glam pop group trio, complete with backing singers. Katrina and the Waves came to my mind and this group looked a bit artificially happy. I doubt they were “Walking on Sunshine” after all it was pouring with rain outside.
“Are you Danny?” – she asked, with direct eye contact and a flashing of teeth. I immediately picked up on the accent and realised she wasn’t English and my radar started to try and work out where she was from. I settled with either Italian or Greek, leaning more towards Greek.
“No….” I replied.
“Ah, it’s the apartment across from you I think, but he’s not at home, can I leave something with you to give to him?” she muttered in bad English. I resisted the urge to correct her.
Images of the 80s, big hair and electrical guitars started to fade. They would be more fluent.
“Sure, why not?” I replied, remembering that my neighbour took my University books when they arrived last week when I was out. He handed them in later.
“We have a washing machine, a toaster and an electric fire”.
At that point her head leaned slightly to the left and she showed teeth. She clearly felt we had some kind of affinity but I’m not sure why. I looked behind myself briefly because her gaze kind of said “what a cute cat” but my cat was nowhere to be seen. He hasn’t been receiving visitors in recent days because of his sickness. The only thing we might have had in common is the word charity. Whoever she was, she clearly was offering charity to Danny. I was doing the same thing by offering to take his stuff for him.
She clapped her hands once and the henchmen swung into action. From nowhere a washing machine, toaster and fire appeared at my feet. She handed me the toaster.
“Um, about the washing machine….” ….. she pre-empted what I was about to say…
“Oh we will leave that at Danny’s door, and we will text him…. He told us he was homeless and we wanted to help” as she handed me the heater and toaster.
I remembered that the apartment across from me was indeed kept for those who are homeless while they search for permanent accommodation. It’s something I discussed on a previous podcast.
She quickly retreated and vanished, leaving no clue where they had come from or what group they represented, vanishing into the distance. This was like some kind of 80s video, the only thing missing was the artificial smoke as they disappeared.
My cat wandered up, took one look at the doorway, made a noise and walked away. He was largely unimpressed.
It took me a few moments to register what had just happened. Who were these people? Either way, it was a nice feeling to know I had done a good deed. It was that feeling you get when you hear a pop song from your youth. Some weird feeling of security and nice memories which allow you to take a deep breath and smile.
That day, I waited for Danny to arrive but nobody came.
“That’s ok” I thought, “He might be on holiday” but then the fifth day came and went, with no sign of Danny beating a path through the jungle to my doorway to collect his goods.
After a week and a half passed, it was clear that Danny wasn’t coming back. I moved the heater and toaster away from behind my front door to a more permanent arrangement, my cupboard. The washing machine is still sitting outside his apartment door.
I asked my neighbours what they thought. Some of them were worried that he was dead inside his apartment, others went along with the holiday theory but they all agreed that they really didn’t care.
“I mean if he was dead in there, there’s nothing could be done anyway, he’s dead” they all concurred.
“Yeah… but no… but…..” was what I heard as we all were defending why we didn’t want to get involved. They were more uncomfortable with my direct communication than they were about Danny.
After another week passed my doorbell camera alerted me that there was a movement in the hallway. I cynically checked it, not expecting Danny to appear. My Landlord’s agent was clearing the apartment. This was my big moment to find out where Danny was. Although it was clear she didn’t want to talk to me:
“Hi, that washing machine was left by a charity or Christian Group for Danny. Has he moved then?” I politely asked.
“Because of Data Protection, I can’t discuss anyone who may or may not be called Danny” she responded without turning around. She came with her own henchman He stared bitterly in my direction but once they heard the word charity, they softened a bit.
“We will get it moved for you” she unwillingly made eye contact. She looked like she was 16 and covered in acne, the fluorescent jacket made her look professional but she wasn’t fooling anyone. The henchman looked younger, acne much worse than her’s and carrying more puppy fat than a labrador dog. These people were young. I was just another old man in their eyes.
“Can you tell him to pick the stuff up” I pleaded.
“I wonder if you mean the last tenant, before this one” – she interrupted
“No, that was Stuart” I said….trying to get her to take some kind of responsibility.
“David has a support worker” – I will talk to them…..
“Are you sure she said the name Danny?” – she continued.
“Yeah” I quipped while trying not to roll my eyes.
“The woman was Central European, she could have said the name wrong” wondering why I had to defend my argument.
They quickly made their excuses and vanished. The washing machine is still there and my cat happily sits on the heater when he is doing his daily patrols around my apartment.
I haven’t decided what to do next. Should I move the washing machine into the cupboard as another place for my cat to rest his weary head while he does his daily rounds?
Should I just call the local charity shop and get them to take everything. Will the woman who looked like an 80s rock star come back and collect the stuff?
What about Danny and his support worker? Should I expect them to appear with a van?
I’m not holding my breath, that’s for sure.
Weekly Lesson Audio: The House Guest. Weekly Lessons: Previous weekly lesson | Weekly Lessons archive | Next weekly lesson
Weekly Lesson: The House Guest. For study until 6th of October 2024 Subject : The House Guest Audio : On usual social media platforms.
For study until 6th of October 2024
Subject: The House Guest
Audio: On usual social media platforms.
When I heard that a friend was coming to visit for a few days, my heart sank. As a typical British man, I know that friends staying over, usually causes a lot of stress. I had no particular beef with the person himself, but I knew that a guest staying would throw a spanner into the works of my daily routine. These days, British people are not so hospitable. All of us want our “personal space” so staying at hotels usually allows us more time to do what we want instead of being tied down to particular moments such as eating with the host family etc.
Continue reading “Weekly Lesson: The House Guest”Weekly Lesson Audio: A Trip to the Vet’s (Surgery). Weekly Lessons: Previous weekly lesson | Weekly Lessons archive | Next weekly lesson
Weekly Lesson: A Trip to the Vet’s (Surgery). For study until 29th of September 2024 Subject : A Trip to the Vet’s (Surgery) Audio : On usual social media platforms.
For study until 29th of September 2024
Subject: A Trip to the Vet’s (Surgery)
Audio: On usual social media platforms.
I heard an American Politician talking the other day about vets and it crossed my mind that these doctors who are caring for our little fluffy friends are somehow very important in American English. Actually, he was abbreviating the word “veteran” as in “war veteran”. On this side of the pond a vet is a veterinary surgeon, not a veteran. It took me a while to work that one out. Especially when he talked about their valuable contribution to the country.
Anyway, On Saturday morning I once again found myself with the pet carrier discussing British weather with the vet. It always feels familiar:
“Good morning, miserable weather isn’t it?”
“Yes it really is….. was worse yesterday”
“Yes… yesterday was bad”.
Only after the obligatory small talk was I able to move on and bring the conversation round to the topic of my cat.
“Oh look at this little sausage” she gleaned…..
Both my cat, and myself stared bitterly. This was the second vet in two weeks who referred to him as a cute sausage. It seemed a bit of a strange thing to say. I mean it is known that British people don’t celebrate food. Why would they call my cat a “sausage”? My cat rolled his eyes and made a noise and hissed. I assured her it wasn’t personal. Anyway, what kind of sausage was she referring to?
Referring to a beef sausage could upset me because I’m vegetarian.
Referring to a pork sausage could upset just about everyone who follows a religion other than Christianity.
Referring to a vegetarian sausage might be ok – but why would she compare my cat to a vegetarian sausage?
My mind slowly drifted back, especially when the cat attacked the scales which were there to weigh him.
“He actually hates everyone” I quipped “It’s not just you”.
“I am usually very good with black and white cats” she replied. Her remark was an incredibly weird thing to say. It reminded me of some kind of speed dating event. My mind drifted to the only speed dating event I ever attended. It was in a sushi bar I was more interested in the sushi passing by on the belt. The fried tempura prawns were delicious, but I also discovered that I love raw salmon. I don’t remember any of the people from that day but I do remember the dishes.
My mind returned to the situation on hand…“Cat stereotyping?” I thought. “black and white cats like me more?”
We got into the usual conversation about how strange cats can be, neither of us noticed that my cat had been eyeing up the PC and had decided to chew her monitor cable. He jumped off the table just as the screen went black.
“Oh he’s such a cutie” she nervously laughed, before advising me to get his teeth checked as she disconnected the power on her computer.
“He’s definitely obese” – “8 kilograms”. The cat and I looked puzzled. Obese is such a hard word for anyone to hear. It seemed like only yesterday a nurse was talking about my diabetes and told me the very same thing. I could feel his pain. Was this the vet’s revenge for the chewed cable?
“That’s 1.52 stone” she muttered under her breath…
“Ahh – now I get it” – Kilograms mean nothing to me.
“Yes, I’m also not ok with the metric system” was her reply.
Then came the uncomfortable conversation about the bill. It felt like that moment at the end of the movie where you think to yourself “the movie has finished? What about that last character, and what about that storyline and that character…” So many unanswered questions.
“So…. That’s £140.58 pence please…”
“OK” – I answered
“Any plans for today? – back to the awful weather?” she uttered to try and break the ice a bit.
“Not really – I need to clean my apartment”
She petted Ptofi, he hissed at her and then bit her…..
“Oh I think he likes you” I commented while she winced in pain.
“its my perfume” she said….. “they always go crazy for it”.
I thought for a second that maybe I had missed some undercurrent in this conversation. Did she realise that he “wasn’t going crazy for it” – he just bit her…which for me means he didn’t like it but I decided to ignore her words.
While clutching my American Express card I carried the cat to the till. The receptionist blew loads of kisses at him, He turned and faced the other way and then we launched into a really weird conversation:
“How do I claim this from my pet Insurance?”
“If you have pet insurance we will tell them”
“I do have pet insurance”
“If you have that’s great”
“Would you like the details”
“If you have them that would be great”
I was getting kind of tired of all these “if’s” and handed her the policy number. Direct communication usually gets easier once you pay people.
Then my cat Ptofi and I booked a taxi and went home, the cat felt better, my wallet felt lighter and the vet was £140 pounds better off. The whole thing reminded me of a series of British public information videos called “Charley Says…” which they used to show on TV. You should YouTube them, they are very strange and eccentrically British. A talking cat with a little boy who translates the voice of his pet cat called Charley.
Anyway, my cat was later admitted to an emergency animal hospital on Saturday afternoon, where he still is. The hospital called me a few times to say that he keeps biting everyone. So I guess he’s making a good recovery and I am hoping to pick him up later today.
Note to myself, for later: Head to a sushi bar this week, to relax.