Weekly Lesson: The Charity Givers

Weekly Lesson: The Charity Givers. For study until 13th of October 2024 Subject : The Charity Givers Audio : On usual social media platforms.

For study until 13th of October 2024

Subject: The Charity Givers

Audio: On usual social media platforms.

The Charity Givers

Last week, I was sitting at home watching my favourite TV show when someone rang my doorbell. I opened the door to find a woman dressed in black wearing a hat standing there with two henchmen standing behind her. The picture looked like some kind of 1980s  glam pop group trio, complete with backing singers. Katrina and the Waves came to my mind and this group looked a bit artificially happy. I doubt they were “Walking on Sunshine”  after all it was pouring with rain outside.

“Are you Danny?” – she asked, with direct eye contact and a flashing of teeth.  I immediately picked up on the accent and realised she wasn’t English and my radar started to try and work out where she was from. I settled with either Italian or Greek, leaning more towards Greek.

“No….” I replied.

“Ah, it’s the apartment across from you I think, but he’s not at home, can I leave something with you to give to him?” she muttered in bad English. I resisted the urge to correct her.

Images of the 80s, big hair and electrical guitars started to fade. They would be more fluent.

“Sure, why not?” I replied, remembering that my neighbour took my University books when they arrived last week when I was out. He handed them in later.

“We have a washing machine, a toaster and an electric fire”.

 At that point her head leaned slightly to the left and she showed teeth. She clearly felt we had some kind of affinity but I’m not sure why. I looked behind myself briefly because her gaze kind of said “what a cute cat” but my cat was nowhere to be seen. He hasn’t been receiving visitors in recent days because of his sickness. The only thing we might have had in common is the word charity. Whoever she was, she clearly was offering charity to Danny. I was doing the same thing by offering to take his stuff for him.

She clapped her hands once and the henchmen swung into action. From nowhere a washing machine, toaster and fire appeared at my feet.  She handed me the toaster.

“Um, about the washing machine….” ….. she pre-empted what I was about to say…

“Oh we will leave that at Danny’s door, and we will text him…. He told us he was homeless and we wanted to help” as she handed me the heater and toaster.

I remembered that the apartment across from me was indeed kept for those who are homeless while they search for permanent accommodation. It’s something I discussed on a previous podcast.

She quickly retreated and vanished, leaving no clue where they had come from or what group they represented, vanishing into the distance. This was like some kind of 80s video, the only thing missing was the artificial smoke as they disappeared.

 My cat wandered up, took one look at the doorway, made a noise and walked away. He was largely unimpressed.

It took me a few moments to register what had just happened. Who were these people? Either way, it was a nice feeling to  know I had done a good deed. It was that feeling you get when you hear a pop song from your youth.  Some weird feeling of security and nice memories which allow you to take a deep breath and smile.

That day, I waited for Danny to arrive but nobody came.

“That’s ok” I thought,  “He might be on holiday” but then the fifth day came and went, with no sign of Danny beating a path through the jungle to my doorway to collect his goods.

After a week and a half passed, it was clear that Danny wasn’t  coming back. I moved the heater and toaster away from behind my front door to a more permanent arrangement, my cupboard.  The washing machine is still sitting outside his apartment door.

I asked my neighbours what they thought. Some of them were worried that he was dead inside his apartment, others went along with the holiday theory but they  all agreed that they really didn’t care.

“I mean if he was dead in there, there’s nothing could be done anyway, he’s dead” they all concurred.

“Yeah… but no… but…..” was what I heard as we all were defending why we didn’t want to get involved. They were more uncomfortable with my direct communication than they were about Danny.

After another week passed my doorbell camera alerted me that there was a movement in the hallway. I cynically checked it, not expecting Danny to appear. My Landlord’s agent was clearing the apartment. This was my big moment to find out where Danny was.  Although it was clear she didn’t want to talk to me:

“Hi, that washing machine was left by a charity or Christian Group for Danny. Has he moved then?” I politely asked.

“Because of Data Protection, I can’t discuss anyone who may or may not be called Danny” she responded without turning around. She came with her own henchman He stared bitterly in my direction but once they heard the word charity, they softened a bit.

“We will get it moved for you” she unwillingly made eye contact. She looked like she was 16 and covered in acne, the fluorescent jacket made her look professional but she wasn’t fooling anyone. The henchman looked younger, acne much worse than her’s and carrying more puppy fat than a labrador dog. These people were young. I was just another old man in their eyes.

“Can you tell him to pick the stuff up” I pleaded.

“I wonder if you mean the last tenant, before this one” – she interrupted

“No, that was Stuart” I said….trying to get her to take some kind of responsibility.

“David has a support worker” – I will talk to them…..

“Are you sure she said the name Danny?” – she continued.

“Yeah” I quipped while trying not to roll my eyes.

“The woman was Central European, she could have said the name wrong” wondering why I had to defend my argument.

They quickly made their excuses and vanished. The washing machine is still there and my cat happily sits on the heater when he is doing his daily patrols around my apartment.

I haven’t decided what to do next. Should I move the washing machine into the cupboard as another place for my cat to rest his weary head  while he does his daily rounds?

Should I just call the local charity shop and get them to take everything. Will the woman who looked like an 80s rock star come back and collect the stuff?

What about Danny and his support worker? Should I expect them to appear with a van?

I’m not holding my breath, that’s for sure.

Weekly Lesson: Killer Cows

Weekly Lesson: Killer Cows. For study until 22nd of September 2024 Subject : Killer Cows Audio : On usual social media platforms.

For study until 22nd of September 2024

Subject: Killer Cows

Audio: On usual social media platforms.

Embellishment is a big part of storytelling in some parts of the UK, especially in Scotland and Ireland.  When I first heard about cows killing people I rolled my eyes.  As far as I was concerned this was another one of my Grandmother’s tall tales.

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Weekly Lesson: Doors Open Day 2024

Weekly Lesson: Doors Open Day 2024. For study until 15th of September 2024 Subject : Doors Open Day Audio : On usual social media platforms.

For study until 15th of September 2024

Subject: Doors Open Day

Audio: On usual social media platforms.

When I am out and about one of my little joys is discovering new buildings, architecture and exploring different places. I really love taking pictures of every nook and cranny that I can possibly access.  With that in mind you can imagine then that I really look forward to Doors Open Day, that weekend of the year when my town suddenly loosens its chains and I can access anywhere. Such as local Courthouses or underground tunnels beneath one of the main streets. Even local businesses jump on the bandwagon and are keen to show  their wares.

Across the country around September time, the doors of old buildings are flung open  for around two days and members of the public can go and explore them. The great thing is that every area has their own weekend so for the whole month, you can visit old buildings in   surrounding areas and see inside some of these amazing structures.

Of course some of these places offer us great examples of Victorian kitsch. Famous and popular in their day but now presenting us with laughter, head scratching and incredulity.  For example, there are  a number of Victorian swimming pools, grand in their appearance with colourful marble and with roman pillars at the entrance. There are others which offer us a glimpse of history, into a time long forgotten, reminding us how we used to live. Forgotten metro stations, underground streets for example.

As always on Doors Open weekend, I scour the Internet searching for the places I want to visit. It feels a bit like that euphoria you get when you buy a lottery ticket. “This time you are going to win for sure” you tell yourself, but yet somewhere inside you know that your expectations aren’t going to be met.

 The list of places for Doors Open Day looked something like this:

The Old Church – Hmm – I did that last year

The Abbey – Eh, no, I got married there, that was enough

The Courthouse – Exciting last year but not this year

The Cemetery – Seriously? No. Besides, I was there last week

The Observatory – yeah, yeah, a possibility

The Library – really, there’s no way. I was there for its opening

The University – there’s no way

The old Prison – Um… why does that sound exciting to me?

So finally I decided upon another local Church that no one ever goes to. In fact attendance is so low that it will be closing its doors permanently in the near future. It was only a short walking distance away.

 As I approached the main door, a woman stepped forward wearing a  navy coloured business suit and pearls:

“Feel free to walk around” she said in a way that sounded almost menacing… “don’t forget to check out our refurbished Victorian toilet suite” she beamed.

I had completely forgotten, British people are immensely proud of toilets, toilet humour and things associated with the body.

“Um… thanks ok” I responded, trying not to show how bizarre the whole thing sounded….

“Would you like a…(pause, stare) magazine?” she continued.

“Eh yes…. (pause, stare) I’ll take one”  I smiled and walked a few steps away. I never understood why Churches always seem to be full of people with fake upper class English accents. Our class system died years ago, yet there are many people here who would love to keep that going. I put my best Received Pronunciation  on rerun – just to make her feel comfortable. She’d certainly met her match, if she was trying to play a game of accents with me.

“How lovely” I responded.

Attending Church in the UK can be a little bit creepy and she reminded me of all the reasons why I like spending Sunday mornings at home cooking or talking to people on Skype.  Her attempt at smiling seemed terribly out of date with red lipstick stuck to the front of her teeth – clearly this Church wasn’t  accustomed to visitors.

By the time she had another victim, the woman who walked in after me, I had moved on:

“I love your bracelet” I heard from a distance.

“Oh this little trinket…?” she commented as she revealed a chunk of gold twisted around her wrist.

I was half expecting two security guards, employed solely to guard the bracelet to emerge from the darkened corners because that chunk of gold looked expensive. This Guide clearly didn’t come from my side of town.

I toured the Church – it was nice and had all the charm of a prison, it even had bars on the windows.  Then of course I followed the signs to their top attraction – the Victorian toilet which had its own security guard, to remind us that it’s “for display only” (in other words don’t try to use it). I didn’t quite know what to say about it. I mean it really was a toilet made of marble.

“It was put in, in 1897” she murmured…

Great, yes…” I replied, slotting into politeness and small talk mode.

She must have been at least age 70 with a hair style which I hadn’t see since Prince Andrew’s marriage to Sarah Ferguson in the 1980s. Hence the term “Fergie Bow” – a type of hairstyle tied back  in a piece of linen cloth. Just as Princess Catherine is called “Kate”, Diana was called “Di”.  Sarah is “Fergie”.

“Oh well, I have to dash…..” – “it’s been lovely”  I chirped backing away towards the door.

I was grateful for the experience but the British eccentricity was overpowering and so was the general discomfort of mixing with others. It was greatly reassuring to sense they felt the same way.

As these old buildings find other uses and are converted into gyms, bars, nightclubs and even Ikea shops. I wonder how much longer the sense of the sacred will be preserved and whether these Doors Open Days will be a thing of the past.  Until then they remain stark reminders, of the British Empire, complete with war memorials, roll books, gold and silver. Keeping alive the very thing the rest of us are trying to forget.  Yet very soon Religion here will be a thing of the past.

Our state sponsored Christian Churches like the Church of England along with the Military and Parliament represent something eccentrically and uniquely  British. Three sides of the same triangle.  It’s hard to imagine a trinity with one part missing. A country with only Military and Parliament sounds more like some kind of South American Dictatorship.  Change is coming but what that looks like, nobody knows.  

What’s coming next? That’s the key question.

Weekly Lesson: Visiting the New Library

Weekly Lesson: Visiting the New Library. For study until 1st September 2024 Subject : Visiting the New Library Audio : On usual social media platforms.

For study until 1st September 2024

Subject: Visiting the New Library

Audio: On usual social media platforms.

Visiting the new Library

My Town decided to move the local public library to a new purpose built  complex around a decade ago. They started work on it in 2020, suspended it because of Covid  in 2021 and finally unveiled the new building earlier this year in 2024.

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Weekly Lesson is now online – Cat Stevens

Weekly Lesson is now online – Cat Stevens. You can read it below or else click here for the most up to date weekly lesson.

You can read it below or else click here for the most up to date weekly lesson.

Title: Cat Stevens: A Journey of Music and Spirituality

Audio will be published on Monday 27th of May 2024 via the usual social Media channels.

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