Weekly Lesson: Guy Fawkes Night

For study until 10th of November 2024

Subject: Guy Fawkes Night

Audio: On usual social media platforms.

Guy Fawkes Night

I remember November the 5^th 2023, I was sitting on Skype waiting for a student when one of my language exchange apps buzzed,  it had found what it described as the perfect language exchange partner  assuring me that this particular match would be the perfect one for me to practice Spanish. I glanced at it briefly and thought “yeah yeah when pigs fly…”.  

 “it took an algorithm and computer program to come up with this?” I thought to myself.  “There’s no way…”. The profile looked fake.

My cat appeared, looked at the screen,  made a meow sound and walked away. Suddenly there was a noise which sounded like thunder.

“What’s this?” I thought, “the curse of the language exchange app?”. Clearly I have watched too many horror movies from the 1980s. The timing was perfect.

I assumed it was my neighbour until I heard it again at which point I remembered it was November 5^th. The noise stopped us in our tracks, I looked at the cat and he looked at me, it was indeed Guy Fawkes Night and the noise was fireworks.

Every year on the 5^th of November we celebrate Guy Fawkes Night. It is a night of lighting bonfires, burning effigies and setting off fireworks. From history we know that the man called Guy Fawkes was a notorious terrorist who tried to blow up our Parliament House, next to Big Ben in 1605. Anyway he failed and of course he was hanged. The night is to celebrate what would have happened if he had succeeded. Guy teaches us a very important lesson about the third conditional here:

“If Guy had succeeded he would have destroyed Parliament”

Why we have a night dedicated to him and also why we burn an effigy of him is kind of lost in history, I suppose it’s just to mark the occasion.  We are taught the following rhyme:

Remember, remember the 5^th of November

Gunpowder Treason and Plot

I see no reason why Gunpowder Treason 

Should ever be forgot

Experts now say that Guy was probably innocent but who knows? He has the dubious honour of having a night named after him.  It is also one of the busiest nights of the year for our Fire Service, bonfires which get out of hand, fireworks blowing up into crowds and of course kids who don’t realise the dangers of throwing a lot of straw on top of a bonfire.  Every year the Government organises firework displays but many of these are now ticketed as fireworks are very expensive to buy. Sometimes I think the Government are in two minds about their fireworks displays

“Here is a fireworks display, but remember, on most nights of the year they are not allowed”. Either way, they certainly are less fashionable than before.

This is a festival which lasts one night only and is popular  throughout the English speaking world, except Northern  Ireland which is the one exception. Fireworks are still prohibited there because of the Irish troubles in the 70s and 80s.

Britain’s relationship with fireworks though is growing a bit sour. More and more supermarkets these days are saying that fireworks are simply too volatile to keep in their stores, especially after a number of high profile explosions a few years ago. Animal rights protesters are also pointing out just how bad the night is for animals, with dogs and cats being at their wits end with the noise. My cat doesn’t care, he usually just ignores it.

The law does not generally allow fireworks to be set off after 10 or 11pm and more and more cities are banning them outright. Glasgow is the latest city to restrict the use of Fireworks as more and more people turn to “silent fireworks” to get around the ban. Glasgow has issued strict guidance about when they can be used.

This issue is not so problematic on Guy Fawkes night, after all we kind of expect fireworks on that night but at New Year it becomes a major issue. Silent fireworks gives all of the light but none of the sound and are widely available now. It means you wont actually see the fireworks unless you go looking for them.

There are still a few more questions about this night which somebody needs to answer:

1. Why does Guy get his own night named after him – he was a terrorist?
2. Why do we teach kids to  burn an effigy of Guy on the bonfire?
3. Why do English teachers always use Guy as an example of the third conditional?
4. How am I supposed to explain why we have  this night to people on Skype?
5. Silent fireworks – really??

The Movie V for Vendetta is all about Guy and his life if you want to learn more about him.

It is one of those events that you don’t have to leave the house for, you can simply sit back and relax while watching loads of fireworks lighting up  the hazy night sky. Despite the ban in a growing number of cities, fireworks are also used by drug dealers to inform people that drugs are now available to buy. If that sounds more like a Brazilian Favela than the UK then you might be shocked. Fireworks carry a very powerful message in some areas when drug dealers are ready to sell. You can hear them at very specific times on certain days. I doubt silent fireworks would work for them unless the drug addicts happen to be out looking at the sky and admiring the view when they are set off.   It all seems unlikely.

Some people who are very cynical about our Government often remark that “Guy Fawkes was the last honest man to walk into Parliament” and perhaps they were right.

I liked Guy, after all we have some things in common, he moved to Spain at one point and called himself Guido. I’m not sure if he had an identity crisis at that point but he was working for the Spanish Army.  I’m not a big fan of the British Government either but I don’t think I care enough to actually do anything to stop them making stupid decisions.  I did move to Spain at one point but I never called myself Guido or joined the army there and so far I don’t have a night named after me. I do understand Guy’s need to escape Britian though, especially when we have these strange nights dedicated to criminals.

I was walking through the supermarket today wondering what I would cook for Guy if he ever came to visit. I think he would be happy with Paella, he must have tried it during his time in Spain and the one with prawns really is delicious.

 Apparently Guy was waiting for the King to arrive before he blew  up Parliament in 1605 but they caught him before that happened. It is difficult to imagine what would have happened to Guy if he tried this today.

More than likely he would spend a few months in prison and then be released for good behaviour.  Oh how times have changed!

Anyway, thanks to Guy we can practice these conditional tenses, so that indeed is something to be grateful for.