Weekly Lesson: British People and Food: My Story, by Teacher Joseph

For study until 30 June 2024

Subject: British People and Food: My Story, by Teacher Joseph

Audio: On usual Social media platforms.

Picture the scenario for one moment, the year is 2001 and I am living in Spain. My friend Daniel invites me for dinner and I present  a thank you card to his Mother (Yes, I actually brought thank you cards from the UK in case I ever needed them). Here in the UK thank you cards are often given at dinners as a way to say “thanks for inviting me”.  As she looked at the elephant on the card, she seemed confused, Why did I bring a card for something which was seemingly normal like having a friend for dinner? Also why was there a cartoon elephant on the card saying “thankyou” and I must admit I had a hard time understanding or explaining that one. I initially thought that  I had stumbled upon some kind of cultural faux pas before realising that the problem was a little bit more complex. Eating together is really no big deal outside of the UK.

It was not until  I left Britain and started to be invited to friends’ houses for dinner that I grasped that something deeper was at play, particularly when they started to ask if I enjoyed it afterwards. Also, in restaurants in other countries, friends would comment how fast I ate. I really had no understanding of food, in fact I am sure that the cost of it, where it came from, who made it etc, did not even cross my mind.  I had no idea that it was a labour of love. The preparation,  the presentation, the event itself and the smiles of joy on faces. It was about getting together and sharing in the joy of eating, not just eating as another task of the day. Eating together seemed to be  an act of affirmation or validation. Some way of accepting each other. For me at that time it was just another thing to endure. Eating with friends in the UK involved a motive, something which was arranged to achieve a goal such as business, a favour or other political motive. Otherwise people eat alone.

I caught little glimpses of food as a community event when I was invited to eat with different people.  In the Arab world for example eating together is considered to be quite normal, whereas in Britain it is a very uptight affair; you spend weeks afterwards thanking the host, not because it was a memorable event but because as a British man, it simply is “what you do”.  You thank people.  A little “thank you card” is often sent afterwards. Today it is not quite so formal, fewer people cook for each other  as our social structures break down further.

When I was a little boy in the UK, food was not something I ever thought about. It was there all around me and I ate it but I did not think about it. It was something to fill my belly, to put into my mouth and to  digest. I am sure that I didn’t even taste it.  I did not really understand what taste was. Filling my belly was more important than savouring taste.

I do have some memories of food as a celebration in the UK. On New Years Day we would all go to my Grandmother’s house, there would be 16 or 17 of us. My whole family would be there. Yet I have no memories of the food we ate, in fact the only thing I remember  is about how those days often ended, the whole family desperately trying to avoid “the elephant in the room”. Too many years had passed for them to remember why they were so uncomfortable with each other, but old wounds made  a simple act like “pass the gravy” into a clear accusation of defiance. The way in which it was passed was so full of emotion that books could have been written on what it all meant. There were shadows of the past hanging over their lives. Judgement was the game of the day and they saw good and evil wherever they went.

It can be best understood in the words of Lucy Larcom, the American poet, she said:

“The religion of our fathers overhung us children like the shadow of a mighty tree against the trunk of which we rested, while we looked up in wonder through the great boughs that half hid and half revealed the sky. Some of the boughs were already decaying, so that perhaps we began to see a little more of the sky, than our elders; but the tree was sound at its heart. There was life in it that can never be lost to the world”. (New England Girlhood)

I have no memories of what my Mother ever cooked, I remember the type of food that she cooked, but I don’t have any memories of the taste of that food. I finally reached a conclusion that for some people food is strongly associated with memories and that taste is somehow linked to that.  Yet in a capitalist society like the UK, the true meaning of kindness has been lost and food like everything else is something you simply buy.  I feel sad that only now as a man in my 50s I am slowly seeing the link between food and relationships. I now see eating together as an act of love, a sensual gift to the senses from the senses and comparable to Love in the highest form. Yet trying to explain these things to my fellow Brits is impossible. Some think it is a waste of money to cook for others, some have the opinion that they would rather eat alone and then there are some who are exactly the way I used to be. They simply don’t even know why there is a discussion about it and believe food is something to be pushed into our mouths to take away the boredom. “Alone or with people…whatever”. I no longer accept dinner invitations from local people, it’s too uptight, uncomfortable and unenjoyable. Nothing seems to flow except major indigestion afterwards.

I think now I finally understand more about the bread and wine they gave us in Church, it is an incredibly powerful act of sharing. Yet ironically those moments in Churches participating in taking communion were often the loneliest, surrounded by people who didn’t talk to each other.  Does it mean that sharing food has a power in and of itself?

I understand as a British man I am lucky to be born into this culture, but I’m also looking over my shoulder wondering what else I’ve missed because it seems like being British comes with a huge cost, particularly regarding simple pleasures like eating with others.

Monday Affirmation: I choose to learn English

When was the last time you felt “an elephant in the room” and what did you do about it? Compare the two stories of elephants in the story. One positive, and the other negative. Can you think of an idiom which can be used in positive and negative ways?

Tuesday Affirmation: Learning gives me energy

In what ways does English give you energy? How do you create that energy?

Wednesday Affirmation: My energy is well spent studying English

Reflect on how you feel after your study time. Do you feel that you have completed something? If not, why not?

Thursday Affirmation: Learning English is a practical task, not an academic one.

How much do you agree with this statement? Compare sitting in a library with grammar books and talking in English with a partner. Which do you think is more useful?

Friday Affirmation: Learning English is a pleasurable experience

What motivates you to study? How do you truly feel when you try to learn? Is eating with friends in your culture something pleasurable?